The maid of honor just puked.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize