Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
