Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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