oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
