Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
