Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize