If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
