Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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