The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
