i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
