Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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