Say something about gay babies.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Someone signed my nipple.
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