I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
