im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
