I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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