was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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