This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize