eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize