your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
