I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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