it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
