ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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