my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize