I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
