Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
