im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
