im having a threesome with these popsicles
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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