I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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