Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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