I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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