Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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