Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
