dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
