Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
