I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
