The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
