It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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