They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
