i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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