I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I forget how to act sober
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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