im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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