i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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