she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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