i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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