In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
