remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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