I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
