I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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