she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
