Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dick very happy bro
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
