using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
