I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
