dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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