It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
