someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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