I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I faked an abortion last night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
