just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
