did you get engaged???
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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