Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
