Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
