I'm really into asian looking animals
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize