I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
