I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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