Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have feelings that need drinking.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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