I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
