We won't sleep together?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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