see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
