chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it's like heaven, but drunker
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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