dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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