he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
