i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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