it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just cropdusted the office
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
