that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
