im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
