The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
