..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
