I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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