I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
