I puked a lego.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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