I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
