So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
