I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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