So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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