in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
