i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
