i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
