i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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