Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
operation harelip BJ is a go
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
