I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize