I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
