she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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