Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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