You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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