i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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