Having a random hookup so left but love u
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
