whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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