I wish life had little blips of pornography
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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