What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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