Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
