I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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